Current mood: Apprehensive
Current song: Adam Lambert - Broken Open
Well, I'm down to a little less than 3 weeks until my right knee surgery. As ready as I am to finally have both knees fixed and healed, I'm still very apprehensive and anxious.
The surgery on my left knee 2 years ago went really smoothly and the recovery was great... as far as I remember. I can't help but wonder though, if I was just too focused on the emotional trainwreck that was my summer '09 to pay any attention to the pain and lack of mobility. I was so depressed that summer that all I wanted to do was lie in bed all day anyway. Now that my mood and energy are back up to high levels, will being bed ridden for 3 weeks really bum me out? Will the pain be much greater than I remember?
The one thing I truly am nervous about, is the damn iv. That's one thing I remember clearly from last time; the 12 times it took "one of the Cleveland Clinic's top anesthesiologists" to find a vein. I ended up being flipped upside down on the pre-op table so the blood would rush to my head, while the doctor shoved the needle into my throat in one final attempt at snagging a vein. Three pokes in the throat later, he finally got one. It's a vivid recurring nightmare of mine. One I really don't wish to repeat.
The pre-admission testing by itself is going to be a pain in the ass. Next week, I have to go in to get checked out and make sure I'm healthy enough for surgery. This means blood work, and yes, more needles. As an added bonus, this year they are forcing everyone to take extra MRSA precautions. Apparently there was an unexpected outbreak of MRSA in 2010, so they aren't taking any chances. As if I wasn't nervous enough. Now I may die of infection? No wonder part of the process of any major surgery is going over your last will and testament.
Can you see why I've contemplated canceling this surgery on more than one occasion? However, I can't deny the one benefitting factor of my last knee surgery; my left knee has not dislocated since, and the overall pain has greatly decreased. And once both of my knees are fixed, I can do all the things I haven't been able to since junior high. Learn to ice skate and possibly snow board, be a stronger swimmer, start yoga, have better endurance while jogging, etc. The reason I want these surgeries done now as opposed to when I'm older, is so I can still have the energy and stamina to do all these activities. As of right now, the 9 years of damage I have done to my knees has already given me slight arthritis. But I can stop that from worsening, and perhaps even reverse some of that damage, with this final surgery. The point is, I want to enjoy my youth as much as possible.
As I've been telling most people who ask about my upcoming surgery, the thing I look forward to the most after both of my knees are completely fixed and recovered, is running at full speed down the middle of the street, with no fear of dislocation. I mean, yeah I may trip and fall on my face, breaking my nose and a few teeth on the pavement... but hey, at least my knees won't pop out anymore. =]