Monday, April 25, 2011

Rainy days of spring

Current mood: Pensive
Current song: Bond - Kismet

I'm starting this blog, because like most people, I have a voice that craves to be heard, and possibly a few people might read this, which is enough to satiate my instinctual human desire for attention. But mostly I'm writing this for myself, as my personal diary. Writing out long rants by hand gives me wrist cramps, and typing out an electronic diary in a word document has the possibility of being lost in the event of a computer crashing. When I write out my thoughts and feelings about life, half the fun is going back years later to read them, to see how I've changed as a person. So here I am.

And so, this being my personal place for rants, raves, and general life musings, I'm just going to start ranting. Today's rant: friendships.

For as long as I can remember, I have been the kind of person who values friendships, who values all kinds of human interaction. In short, I'm a people person. I used to be really shy growing up, and yet I always had plenty of friends. However, throughout the years, people start to grow apart. I've fallen out of touch with most of my childhood friends, but that's to be expected. And where old friends go, new friends always come.

But despite the constant flow of people coming in and out of my life, there was one friend who I thought would always be there. That singular best friend that you put in the "lifelong" category of all your acquaintances. Friends all through high school and college, she was the one person I knew I could count on. We had so many similarities, all the same ideals and life goals. We were two peas in a pod.

But lately, that other pea has begun to live in a different pod. Over the past two years, she has begun to change. I won't get into why that is, but myself and many people who know her suspect the one reason why. She'll never admit to it, and that's okay. I am not against her becoming a different person. I'm friends with all kinds of people, from various races, religions, and backgrounds. However, this brand new her has started to make me feel really bad about the same old me. She used to be completely okay with my low socio-economic status, but now rants to me about how she can't stand her tax dollars going to the programs my family uses. Her and I used to share the same non-religious beliefs, but now she tells me it's wrong for me to celebrate easter and christmas, despite the fact that millions of non-christian people do the same, including herself for the first 18 years of her life. Two years ago, I knew that if god forbid I would need or want to have an abortion, she'd be right there by my side at the clinic telling me how everything would be okay. But now, she'd probably tell me how sinful it is and how if I don't confess my sins, I'll be burning in hell.

My best friend used to think I was perfect just the way I am, as I used to (and still do) think the same of her. But now, I'm looked at as a bum who eats away her tax money, and a heathen who needs to be "saved." I am completely supportive of her new religion, her new beliefs, her new ideals. Everyone changes, that's part of life. But this new her is no longer okay with the same me that I have always been for the 8 years of our friendship. If I met a person like her tomorrow, who looked down on me for the way I am, I would honestly not choose to be a close friend of hers. Who would choose to be friends with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves?

So because of this, my best friend is no longer my best friend. I'm glad to still have her in my life, but I have plenty of other close friends who don't look down on me and make me feel so small. Unfortunately, this particular girl is not in that lifelong category that I so hoped she would be, but that's life. People come, people go. The rainy days of spring wash away all the winter decay, and make room for new friendships to blossom. <3

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