Current mood: Frustrated and sad (this time, my mood is opposite of the weather..)
Current song: Emilie Autumn - Let the Record Show
I was going to talk about my surgery today before I forget all the details, but I found my mind preoccupied too much with something else. I'll get to my surgery post hopefully tomorrow, or another day soon.
I'm not going to even get into the explanation of why my mood is the way it is. Those of you who have spoken to me in the last 24 hours know, and you are pretty much all I care to tell. Everyone else.. don't worry. I'm sure I'll buck up soon enough. You all know me, I'm a pretty positive person.
But I've been thinking a lot lately about emotions. I had a discussion with someone about them the other day, and I was pegged as an "emotional person." Too emotional for this other person's taste. Well, this is certainly not the first time I've been called emotional. And usually when I hear it, I feel pretty bad for a moment. Women in general are stereotyped as being emotional beings, much to the contrast of men and their rational, calculating ways of thinking and feeling. It's natural for a woman to cry, whereas men must be tough. Okay, I'm not getting into a gender battle today... this is about me.
Yes, I am an emotional person. I do let some things get to me that probably shouldn't. I am easily hurt, but I am also easily sprung back. I don't bottle in my feelings, I let them flow freely from me. When something makes me angry, or there is an injustice in the world, I speak up about it. When something makes me sad, I cry on someone's shoulder about it. I tell everyone everything I'm thinking and feeling, even when first meeting them. I don't just wear my heart on my sleeve... I made a fluffy hat out of it and wear it on top of my head all day long. When something is bothering me, I immediately go to the people closest to me and ask if I can rant my problem to them, to either get some advice, or to simply get it off my chest. And it feels great! I mean hello, that's the whole reason therapy was created. Therapists rarely give you sound advice or tell you how to fix your problems.. that's not really their job. They are mostly there as an objective person for you to simply vent to. Because human beings are not logical creatures. It is our nature to be run by our feelings, and our intricately emotional brains is what sets us aparts from most other species.
And yes, I may get upset easily, and feel sad fairly often, and cry at the drop of a hat... but I also frequently experience the joy that emotions can give. The overwhelmingly blissful feelings of doing something you love, or being around people who make you feel like you're on top of the world. I laugh at almost anything, regardless if it's funny or not, just because laughter makes me feel good. That's usually my indicator if I'm feeling awkward in a situation, because laughing also helps to calm my nerves. Being emotional means I can be just as joyously happy as I can be down and sad, whereas those who don't allow themselves to feel, live in a constant bubble of indifference.
I'm glad my friend called me emotional, because it's something I can honestly say I'm proud of. In recent years especially, I have even become a bubbly optimist, because life is too hard right now to be anything else. We live in pretty depressing times, but that doesn't mean your life has to be just as depressing. We aren't doomed to simply be products of the world around us. We can make change, we can take a stand... and that takes emotion.
We are emotional beings, and we are attracted to similar emotions. Even you non-emotional, logic driven people... who makes you feel better to be around; a quiet introvert who bottles up their feelings, closes themselves off to you and makes it impossible to tell what they are really thinking? Or the person in the room who is laughing and talking openly with everyone, sharing their feelings and getting others to do the same? Yeah, I'm sure even non-emotional people feel uncomfortable around that same type of person. Who wouldn't? What kind of friendship, or relationship, or family interaction is one where no one truly opens up or shares who they really are? You can't do that by simply speaking with your mouth, or thinking with your brain... to have a true, meaningful interaction with another human being, you need to use your heart. That's why anytime I hug someone now, I hug to the right, so mine and other person's heart overlap. Call me crazy, but I truly feel a deeper connection with the person when I do that, and it makes me feel great inside. We seem to have lost that sense of connection with others.
Like one of my favorites vignettes of the film Waking Life* says, we've become like ants. Busily moving about our farms, barely touching the other ants with our antenne before going about our own lives, no real connection with each other... well I don't want to be like an ant. I want to connect with others, to feel them with my heart, to be all I am with and around them. "I wanna SEE you. I want YOU to SEE me." To live life as a cold, withdrawn, non-connecting ant... is a pretty unfulfilling life.
So I am proud to be an emotional person. Because as such, I feel free and comfortable with any other type of person, open or introverted. I love being around emotional people, but I also am just as okay with unemotional types. To be unaccepting of someone, or to feel incompatible with them, simply because they are emotional... well, I feel sorry for a person who feels that way. If they were to get in touch with their own emotions more, they would realize what they are truly missing. I was sad today, but I'll feel wonderfully happy again one day soon, because emotions are an incredibly fun and fulfilling roller coaster ride. And who doesn't love going to Cedar Point? =]
* For further insight on this topic, two movies that are incredible for discussion on human interaction and emotion:
~Waking Life, directed by Richard Linklater
~I Am, directed by Tom Shadyac