Social Pressures, Role Reversals [Nine's Perspective]

     Hallo. As I am sure many of you have noticed, Lady Lili is very busy these days, with her college studies and things of that nature. She will be back to post sometime in the near future. I am here to make that wait a little less plain and post-less. You may call me Nine. I am a male that often ponders similar things, and thus I have been given permission to share some of my male views and insights on her lovely blog. Therefore, from here out, each of my posts will be part of a segment on this blog called 'Nine's Perspective.' I hope my posts will entertain you, and prove to be thought-provoking. Let's move onto the first, shall we?

     Lili often speaks of sexism, and un-equality. Her most recent post, 'Pointlessly Gendered,' started me on a path of thought. Things are indeed a bit unbalanced these days. Things marketed to females tend to follow the confines of social and cultural stereotypes, such as using the color pink. But, when we get down to the issue, I believe things run much deeper than we sometimes allow ourselves to realize. Today, we will focus on the cultural influences on how the opposite sexes treat one another when they reverse society's pre-determined roles for us.

     Let me ask you something. Do you believe that a couple should make their own decisions and choices? Does it matter who does what? You may say no, without thinking about it, and maybe, just maybe, you are not being honest with your true feelings. Society puts an extreme amount of pressure on all of us to be how they feel we should be. Both males and females experience this pressure, and we are bred to accept our 'roles.' Case in point? Let's say you all met this wonderful couple. They got along really well, and were all lovey-dovey with each other. Now, before you know anything else about these two love birds, they tell you that the Female works all day, and the Male stays home and takes care of their three children, and cleans and cooks. What would your initial reaction be? How would you view that male? How would your parents view that male? Odds are, even if you aren't willing to admit it, you would think less of the male, simply because he is not assuming his pre-determined role.

     In American culture, there are many pressures on Females to assume a certain role, but it is important to not forget that many Males suffer the same pressures. People think less of a man who does not work. What do they think of him? Lazy, no good, not a real 'man.' Ladies, think about it. What if you had a job you were REALLY happy with, and you loved working there, and it more than paid the bills? Let's say you had kids, and your husband was smart, could work, but his job wasn't that important to him, and it meant a lot to him for you to keep the job that made you so happy? You would probably adore him for it. He's sacrificing his work life for yours, so he can take care of the house, and the children. But, what would your parents think? They will both most likely dislike him, immediately at that, especially your father. This becomes worse if they do not know much about him. Already, just because you are happy with your current setup, you have brought down the possible wrath of your parents against the man you love. He will now have to endure the nasty stares from your father, the drilling questions, etc. Perhaps your mother will pull you aside frequently, asking you why you aren't being a 'true woman.' You might want to make your own choices, and you both might be very happy with your lives, but everyone is going to sneer at you for it.

     What is my point here? Is it that we should just accept our roles and not complain? Certainly not. We should not give into the pressures that we endure, or accept the roles that society attempts to force on us. We should be ourselves, and work with our partners to make one another happy. A great relationship is two bodies, two minds, and one heart. Do what you can for each other. Is role reversal a truly equal relationship? Not exactly, but there is something good to be said about a man that is willing to make sacrifices for his lady, just as she is for him. If we want true equality, we should pay more attention to these types of things. Social pressures seek to drive us from doing a lot of things. I don't really find that, in a relationship, you have to assume any type of role, whatsoever. But there is something to be said that, should we want to assume roles, we get chastised if we do not assume the 'right' ones. We should examine ourselves, and make sure that we are not adding to the problem by pressuring others to do things 'our way.' I am Nine, and this is my final word for today.

Pointlessly Gendered Roundup 1

Okay, due to insistent complaining by a few of my readers, I am finally writing a new post. With december finals and the holiday madness, writing fell by the wayside. And with classes starting again on tuesday, this may be the last post for a while again... but we'll see.

I've been meaning to start my own "pointlessly gendered" series, a concept I've seen on many other soci blogs. I've collected a few pictures since deciding to include this in my blog, so here they are.

These first two I found in a christian bookstore. Not-so-surprisingly, the place was actually teeming with sexism. But here are a couple of the most obvious/humorous.

Despite all of the violence and godly wrath, apparently the bible is too girly for some men. Not anymore, thanks to the "everyman's bible"... a version not only written by men, but meant exclusively for men. 

Christian jewelry for teens... separated by gender, just in case God needs help clarifying the sex of his followers. I guess to get boys to wear jewelry, you need to give them a direct association with God... or use a z instead of an s.

This last picture I found at a gun shop. Yet again, not that surprising.

There are so many things wrong with this picture, it actually hurts my head. The colors, the designs, the sizes... 

This picture also represents a concept known as "women vs people", wherein being male is neutral and the norm, and being female is the alternative. Notice the names: "whoopass" is the one for men, and it's the normal one, whereas "ms. whoopass" is the alternative, for women. This is actually quite ironic, since pepper spray is generally geared toward women... so why isn't the pink one "whoopass" and the army one "mr. whoopass"? 

Just shows the millions of tiny ways this culture is still very androcentric. 

Age and "hood" status

No, I'm not referring to being all good in dah hood, dawg.

Racist slurs aside, what I'm really talking about is the difference between childhood, adulthood, and what I like to oh so cleverly call "in-between-hood."

Let's break this down a bit. Generally speaking, birth through age 17 is called childhood, and age 18 till death is broadly considered adulthood. That is the legal definition, anyway. But when you turn 18, do you suddenly feel like an adult in that split second your birthday passes?

"Adulthood" as a label can depend on a number of things. For some, it's a biological step that happens around puberty. How many girls remember their mother telling them when they first got their periods, "you're a woman now." For others, it's a socioeconomic status. I won't feel more like an adult until I move out and start earning my own living.

But as much as teenagers prance around waving their new adult flags, adulthood really boils down to experience. It could take 10-20 years following the legal definition of an adult until you actually feel like one.

But in the few years following your big initiation into adulthood, what do you start to refer to yourself as? This has been bothering me lately, because at the age of 22, I no longer think of myself as a girl. When referring to myself, I have not said the phrase "I'm a girl that likes blah blah" in a very long time. But at the same time, it's hard to think of myself as an adult yet, and I certainly have never said "I'm a woman that blah blah."

So basically... I can't refer to myself as much, because women really just have these two roles to play.

Men are different. We live in this era of "guyhood," where males between childhood and adulthood have this middle role they can take on. I would not call my 20-something male friends boys, but I can not also picture them as men yet. So it's nice that they have an in-between-hood. Somewhere in the middle of their teens all the way through their late 20's, they're just guys.

But what's a woman's in-between-hood? Lady? That's a little outdated. Young woman? No, that still sounds a bit like a teenager. Young adult? That takes the female aspect out of it, plus it's a bit awkward in conversation. Gal? What are we, in Texas?

Men have always had names for us as in-between-ers... chicks, babes, skirts. And we also have many names that we give to each other. But we have yet to take an on a real, society-wide, in-between label for ourselves.

I guess we can just call ourselves what we really are... beautiful, intelligent, independent, successful females. Well, that might be a tad long in conversation...

Mighty Morphin Power... Sandwich Maker?

Anyone else see the obvious gender stereotype here? Anyone, anyone?

Well in case you lived under a rock during the 90's and know nothing about the MMPR, there is a clear difference between one of these characters and the other five... the pink ranger is a female.

Couldn't you tell by the very feminine pose that no other character in this shot is using? Her legs are together femininely, and even her hands are poised a bit differently, higher up on her waist rather than her hips, and fingers flared outward.

Now, in the story of the show itself, there wasn't too much of a gender bias. The female rangers weren't ever necessarily the leaders of the group, but they got just as much screen time and fighting action as, say, the blue ranger.

No, just the fact that the one girl of the group was given the color pink was enough of an obnoxious stereotype for one television show to dish out. And not shown in the picture above (and again, in case you never saw the show), in other seasons of Power Rangers, another woman was included in the group, given the color yellow. Another feminine color. And while we're on the subject of stereotypes, for a long time, the yellow ranger character was Asian. Asian, yellow... really? And mind you, this couldn't even have been misconstrued as the color gold, because a gold member came along later... a male, of course.

So we have a blonde, white-skinned pink ranger, and a quite racially insensitive Asian yellow ranger. And when the yellow ranger wasn't played by an Asian woman, she was played by a black woman. Why couldn't we give the black actress the pink color?

This is how blatantly easy it was to be sexist, let alone racist. And worst of all, I totally bought into it. I remember as a child fighting with my best friend about who got to play the pink ranger. No girl wanted to be yellow, let alone a male oriented color such as red or green.

So have the Power Rangers gotten their act together in the past 20 years? Well let's see...


Power Rangers Jungle Fury (2008)

Okay, the yellow is still a woman, but they replaced the pink with a purple ranger. But it's not really purple, it's "violet" and its animal is the wolf, so it's okay for a guy...


Power Rangers RPM (2009)

The pink is gone entirely now, I guess because who has ever heard of a pink racing car? But the woman is still yellow, of course.


And the most recent,
Power Rangers Samurai (2011)

Okay well, the pink ranger is back, but both pink and yellow are still women, and now they're shoved to the back of the picture...

But hey, at least the blonde white chick is stuck playing the yellow ranger now, and the indistinguishable minority woman is allowed to be pink. If that's not a huge step forward in women's rights everywhere, I don't know what is.

What women (don't) want...

Current mood: Relieved
Current song: Glee Cast - She's Not There

Women are complicated creatures; everyone can agree on that. Especially when it comes to dating and what we want and look for in a man. One second we're saying a manly man who's cold and treats us kind of badly (the classic jerk/badboy) is the ideal type... the next second we prefer the sensitive, romantic sap who'll eat ice cream and cry over a romcom with us. It's getting just as hard for guys as it is for girls to live up to expectations nowadays.

I personally have my own list of preferences and an "ideal" type in mind, but I am not picky whatsoever. In fact, of all the men I've dated, I don't think a single one was in my own standards. Not to say they were below a suitable level (well, maybe a few were), but they didn't follow the particular type I look for. I don't know... they say you shouldn't be picky, but then they also say you shouldn't settle. See what I mean about the flip-floppiness of it all?

One thing that is usually universal, however, is what women avoid when seeking out their ideal man. No matter if you're into the manly men, or if sensies are more your cup of tea, there is a list of qualities that in any situation are always a dating Heisman. I have talked extensively over the years with my friends, their mothers and my own, and with my grandmother and other people her age. This is based on solid, scientific research, from three generations of women... so pay attention, guys. Here are the top ten traits women will 9 out of 10 times avoid in any man:

The Cheap Guy
   Yes, this is first, because if you ask any woman what traits in a man she dislikes, cheapness is ALWAYS on that list. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no backwards old school type who thinks a man must pay for everything all the time. I will gladly go dutch on occasion, or even pick up the entire tab. But the Cheap Guy is not just any old stereotype breaker. He is not only unwilling to ever pay for you, but he will gladly admit so to your face. The guy who openly complains about how expensive it is to take you out anywhere, he not only drains your own bank account, but your self esteem as well. And of course you know he will gladly pay for his monthly Xbox bill before taking you to that play you've been dying to see. Let me just say this: if for your birthday, he offers you sex... it's time to get the hell out of dodge.

The Constant Drunk/Partier
   Even if you consider yourself a party girl, no one likes the guy who is spending every weekend of his life getting trashed. The Constant Drunks take this behavior well past college and partying years. He is the guy who can't get any enjoyment from an activity unless there is a drink in his hand. And of course, drunkenness usually leads to embarrassing or rude behavior, that will surely be talked about the next day amongst your co-workers. The Partier is usually the only one at the party having any fun, ruining everyone else's attempt at having a good time. He is also a user, and will eventually begin to drag your life down with his insatiable need to be drunk. Even if they have a steady, responsible job, this pre-alcoholism in the Constant Drunk is a major red flag for future behaviors. And it also goes hand in hand with the next guy...

The Player (eventual cheater)
   Have you ever heard a woman say "I so want a man who will hit on every girl who passes him?" Yeah, didn't think so. The Player is overly confident and cocky, self-absorbed, and thinks he is god's gift to humanity. He pretty much believes that every woman he hits on wants him just as badly. The problem with this, is that eventually he will come across a woman who does. Alcohol can play a big role in the Player's life. If he's prone to being a flirt, the Partier mixed with the Player can be a nasty combination. Also called "man-whoring," this quality is as equally unacceptable as a female slut. Although there is one difference: men like sluts, but women don't like man-whores.

The Dirty Slob
   This has always been one to bother me personally. Women have all these standards of hygiene that we must follow, but it has always seemed as if it's more "manly" for a guy to be a nasty pig. This is certainly not the case. Watch any Axe commercial. There's nothing that ruins a romantic moment more than a man who stinks. The Dirty Slob not only has bad hygiene, but terrible cleaning habits. You can only be so far out of college for that "frat house/bachelor pad" look to still be acceptable. The Slob also has bad manners, especially when it comes to eating, and to flatulence. We can handle burps and farts once in a while, but when we start washing brown stains out of your underwear, things have gone too far.

The Guy With No Future
   He doesn't have to be a millionaire, or a rocket scientist, but all women want a man who will help take care of them. Ambition is a big part of this. The Guy With No Future, however, has no drive. If he could, he would sit on his tush all day long, getting paid to do nothing. Yes, we all fantasize about this, but we also innately crave for our lives to have some kind of meaning or substance. The Guy With No Future could care less if he had no purpose in his life. He is an extremely lazy person. He will make no effort to not only pay bills, but to clean the house, walk the dog, or take care of the kids. Then again, the Guy With No Future will more than likely not have the opportunity to buy a house OR a dog... so you have nothing to worry about there.

The Mama's Boy
   It is universally known that a man who loves his mother is a very desirable quality. But like most men on this list, the Mama's Boy takes things just one step too far. When in a relationship, you are not dating him; you are dating his mother. Everything you discuss, is then discussed with her. Everything he tells you, is usually dictated by her. When the Mama's Boy is at an age where he should be very moved on from his home setting, he still latches onto her, and even goes as far as not being able to function on his own without constant contact with her. The Mama's Boy is basically a permanent, adult breastfeeder, and all he is doing when dating you is looking for a new mama. If you're dating a Mama's Boy, his mama sure as hell better like you... and the quality of your child bearing hips.

The Coward
   Mama's Boys and Cowards are usually peas from the same immature pod. Cowards are oftentimes treacherous and inconsistent, retaining those boyish qualities that his current relationship with his mom causes. If you want security, ladies, do not date the Coward. He will offer you no protection, will leave you behind in the event of a life threatening emergency, hide behind you if there are bullets involved, and will more than likely hand you over to the rapist to buy him time to get away. The Coward is no knight in shinning armor. No, he wears his yellow skin proudly.


The Know-It-All
   The guy who constantly thinks he is right, and knows everything about everything. He is the center of attention, and he knows it. This usually goes hand in hand with the constant arguer, who will debate and one-up you on everything that comes out of your mouth. He is usually also very self-righteous and judgmental of others. Quite a deceiving quality, this guy will initially impress you with his vast range of random knowledge... but with a generally pompous and bombastic attitude, the Know-It-All will eventually show his true colors, as soon as you try to reciprocate any intelligence of your own.

The Selfish Guy
   All men think a lot about themselves, but the Selfish Guy also completely does not think about you. He is very inconsiderate, and completely oblivious and uncaring of your feelings. He will whine about his day without asking about yours. Like the Cheap Guy, he will spend his money all on himself.. but unlike the Cheap ones, he will not even think that perhaps he should spend any of it on you. Not only does he think the world revolves around him, but will step on you to make sure it completes its revolutions. This is one of the worst qualities to possess, and should be avoided at all costs.

The Emotionally Unstable Guy
   This one covers everything that has not been covered already. It's bad enough having men who won't show their emotions, but there are many men out there who show way too MUCH emotion. The angry guy, the crybaby, mr. negativity, the indecisive, the guy with no humor, the guy with too much humor... a man who does not know how to handle his emotions is doomed to derail in a horrific bloody mess when he careens head-on with the ever-present emotionally unstable woman. The Emotionally Unstable guy is more common than people think, and remains to be a continuous problem, thanks to men's refusal to admit that they feel. But of all the negative qualities, this is the one that is most "fixable," so there is hope out there yet! Now, if we could only get them to ask for directions...


Whelp, those are the top 10 bad boy behaviors, though there are in fact many more. However, this list is in no way intended to bash men or their pretty typical behaviors, so if you see yourself reflected in these traits, don't feel too bad. This is just as much a product of your surroundings as it is on your own shoulders. But most women will agree, these are the things we go well out of our way to avoid, and will not be happy campers if any of these behaviors stay present for too long. So while I'm not telling you to change who you are, I am letting you know what sets us off, so you can try to keep those things a bit more in check. Good guy behavior = happy women = plenty of sex... so I'd call that a win-win, wouldn't you?